Two: Your facebook status

Facebook asks us, "What's on your mind?"

Oh o. STOP.

THINK. CAREFULLY.

Much has been said about the abuse of the status, in which people think the world cares they're eating a sandwich. (I'm sorry, we don't. May I introduce you to twitter?) Whilst dull updates are...well, dull, these aren't the statuses I take issue with.

At its best, a status is laugh-out-loud-funny:

- "Day 4 of the essay: I'm in bed with a glass of whiskey, a lion mask on my head, and Sesame Street playing in the background... How do you THINK its going?!? ;)"

- "I just had a yorkie for breakfast. At 4pm."

I laugh! I chuckle! I 'Like'. Someone's status has cheered my day! Sadly, a light-hearted status is a rare thing.

The worst offenders include...

1) The song lyric-er

-"Pay my lip service

Keep it eloquent

Optimistic but

Never quite elegant."

Simon is taking his facebook status too seriously. Where's the laugh? Where's the joviality? WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN? I don't want to analyse pseudo-poetry. TEXTUAL ANALYSIS WAS THE BANE OF MY LIFE IN HIGHER ENGLISH. Hey, I listen to pretentious music too. (My ipod takes itself embarrassingly seriously. The shame! The shame!). But people, let's keep song lyrics in a song.

2) No one likes a moaner. We all have friends who update, regularly, about how rubbish this or that is. Guys, there are people in the world with bigger problems. Tell a joke, be positive and please. stop. moaning. about. the. little. things. Hey, we all have bad days but don't sweat the small stuff and have a cup of tea.

3) Some use their status to make it clear they're upset or angry with a certain person. Hmm. I'll bet sitting down and talking to said person will have a better effect than posting about "that BITCH" to your 600 facebook friends. It's just not nice.

Let's keep the negativity away from facebook. The homepage can turn into a hostile land. Let's keep facebook happy. If life's really getting you down, I'd recommend that ancient form of communication: talking to someone.